Is Acceptance the Same as Giving Up?

People will often advise you that you need to accept certain things. This is very true but can feel unhelpful. Acceptance isn’t something that comes naturally to many. In competitive societies, we are instilled with ideas about ‘mastering your own destiny’ and ‘getting what you want out of life’ or if you do certain things … Read more

Regaining Free Will

When you start to realise, the role the subconscious mind plays in your everyday decisions, it becomes clear that you are not always acting from a logical and rational perspective.  Many of our most instinctive behaviours that were learnt during our early lives are still a major part of our personality. Over the last few … Read more

Peace and Harmony…. at the Table

Family dynamics can bring out some of your most immature or unnecessary behaviours. When speaking with family members, old patterns of parent child communication start to emerge and this will often cause resistant or defensive behaviours.

The parenting instinct could be one of the strongest bonds we experience and to expect it to ever disappear is underestimating its power. Like many of our learned behaviours, they are so strong that they feel automatic.

When parent child communication happens but the child is now an adult, the adult child sees this behaviour as a set back to their independence. As a child, you embarked on creating boundaries for independence, you now feel the need to protect these boundaries. You will get frustrated by parent child communication styles and react with similar behaviours to early childhood, like being moody or agitated etc.  Parents also need to recognise their ingrained behaviours can be triggering. As a parent, when you notice yourself tempted to ‘force’ feed, dress, overbear or insist, you are creating that parent child dynamic instead of treating your fully grown child as the adult they have become.

Adult children will need to be more compassionate and understanding of the parent child bond. Recognising that these parenting tones or actions are not an attack on their independence but a gesture of love and protection that the parent may never be able to suppress. Parents will need to respect that adult children can now decide for themselves when they are cold or full.

This Christmas, add a moment of mindfulness before your actions or words. This short pause to understand the ‘why’ behind your behaviours and those of your family will make family gatherings all the more harmonious.

Why is adulting so hard?

Adulting often feels hard because it does not honour the desires of our inner child. When we were young we combined learning with play. Learning was more interactive and we had the curiosity to experience trial and error. We didn’t have a picture of what the outcomes would be, we didn’t have any expectations, everything … Read more